Tips on love, from those who should know. All questions were answered by kids, ages 5-10.

WHAT IS THE PROPER AGE TO GET MARRIED?"
Eighty-four, because at that age, you don't have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom." (Judy, 8)"
Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife." (Tom, 5)

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?"
On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." (Mike, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?"
You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." (Jim, 10)"
Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." (Kally, 9)

THE GREAT DEBATE: IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?"
It's better for girls to be single, but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them." (Lynette, 9)"
It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." (Kenny, 7)

CONCERNING WHY LOVE HAPPENS BETWEEN TWO PARTICULAR PEOPLE"
No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular." (Jan, 9)"
I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful." (Harlen, 8)

ON WHAT FALLING IN LOVE IS LIKE "
Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life." (Roger, 9) "
If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don't want to do it. It takes too long." (Leo, 7)

ON THE ROLE OF GOOD LOOKS IN LOVE
"If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful." (Jeanne, 8)"
It isn't always just how you look. Look at me. I'm handsome like anything and I haven't got anybody to marry me yet." (Gary, 7)
"Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time."(Christine, 9)

CONCERNING WHY LOVERS OFTEN HOLD HANDS "They want to make sure their rings don't fall off because they paid good money for them." (Dave, 8)

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE"I'm in favor of love as long as it doesn't happen when 'The Simpsons' is on television." (Anita, 6)
"Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me."(Bobby, 8)
"I'm not rushing into being in love. I'm finding fourth grade hard enough."(Regina, 10)

THE PERSONAL QUALITIES NECESSARY TO BE A GOOD LOVER
"One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills."(Ava, 8)

SOME SUREFIRE WAYS TO MAKE A PERSON FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU
"Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores." (Del, 6)
"Don't do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain't the same thing as love." (Alonzo, 9)
"One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it's something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me." (Bart, 9)

HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can tell if he's in love." (John, 9)
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold.Other people care more about the food." (Brad, 8)
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it's just like how their hearts are on fire."(Christine, 9)

WHAT MOST PEOPLE ARE THINKING WHEN THEY SAY "I LOVE YOU"
"The person is thinking: Yeah, I really do love him. But I hope he showers at least once a day." (Michelle, 9)

HOW A PERSON LEARNS TO KISS
"You learn it right on the spot when the goosey feelings get the best of you." (Doug, 7)
"It might help to watch soap operas all day." (Carin, 9)

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
"It's never okay to kiss a boy. They always slobber all over you...That's why I stopped doing it." (Jean, 10)

HOW TO MAKE LOVE ENDURE
"Spend most of your time loving instead of going to work." (Tom, 7)
"Be a good kisser. It might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash." (Randy, 8)

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Marriage Jokes

Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has,
you wish you had ordered that.

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied,"Yes I am, I married the wrong man."

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is really finished.

Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in most countries, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late.

A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Three rings: Engagement ring, Wedding ring, Suffering.

When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why.

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage,the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." And the husband replied, "Yes, dear,but I was in love and didn't notice it."

It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:"You can have mine."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him." Asked the friend. The woman replied, "A multi-millionaire".

****************************************

A Love Story

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived:
Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One
day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all
repaired their boats and left.

Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island
was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by
Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my
boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel,
"Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and
might damage my boat." Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with
you." "Oh....Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she did not even
hear when Love called her!

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come Love, I will take you." It was an
elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that he even forgot to ask the
elder his name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.

Love realizing how much he owed the elder and asked Knowledge, another
elder, "Who helped me?" "It was Time," Knowledge answered. "Time?" asked
Love. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and
answered, "Because, only Time is capable of understanding how great Love
is."

********************************

Lost My Wife

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

**********************************

Those 4-Letter Words

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before!I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!
You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!" "Darling, baby,you must tell me what has you so upset.... Tell your mother these horrible4-letter words!"Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON,COOK...!"

****************************************

Daddy, How Much Do You Make An Hour?

With a timid voice and idolizing eyes, the little boy greeted his father as he returned from work, "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
Greatly surprised, but giving his boy a glaring look, the father said:"Look, son, not even your mother knows that. Don't bother me now, I'm tired."
"But Daddy, just tell me please!? How much do you make an hour," the boy insisted. The father finally giving up replied, "Twenty dollars per hour."
"Okay,Daddy? Could you loan me ten dollars?" the boy asked.
Showing restlessness and positively disturbed, the father yelled, "So that was the reason you asked how much I earn, right?
Go to sleep and don't bother me anymore!"
It was already dark and the father was meditating on what he had said and was feeling guilty. Maybe his son wanted to buy something. Finally, trying to ease his mind, the father went to his son's room.
"Are you asleep son?" asked the father.
"No, Daddy. Why?" replied the boy partially asleep.
"Here's the money you asked for earlier," the father said.
"Thanks, Daddy!" rejoiced the son, while putting his hand under his pillow and removing some money.
"Now I have enough! Now I have twenty dollars!" the boy said to his father, who was gazing at his son, confused at what his son just said."Daddy could you sell me one hour of your time?"

***************************************

Jimmy with God

Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God.
"God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud.
To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?"
Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God?
What is a million years like to you?"
Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate,
"A million years to me,Jimmy, is like a minute."
"Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?"
"A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny."
"Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea.
"You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?"
God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Just a minute."

************************************

Do You Know Where God Is?

There were two very bad brothers, and they were always making trouble.One day their school burned down, and the parents knew that their two sons had something to do with it. As a result the parents decided to take the kids to church so they would learn about what is right. They decided to take the younger child first.
When the younger child went to church the priest asked
"Son do you know where god is?" the little boy got scared.
So the priest asked again but he was a little mad this time
"Son do you know where god is?" the kid is know really very scared. The priest got even madder and asked
"Son do you know where god is?" the kid started to shake.
The priest was know furious and he asked
"Son do you know where god is?"the kid got really scared and ran home.
When he got home he started to pack his bag and his older brother asked why he was packing,
the little boy replied "The church is missing god and they think we took him!!"

*****************************************

Tech support

"Hello. Tech Support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.]
"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?""What's a sea-prompt?" [Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.]
"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.
"[Ah--at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem.I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug.]
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"[sound of rustling and jostling] [muffled]
"Yes, I think so."
"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."[pause]
"Yes, it is." [Hmm. Well, that's interesting. I doubt s/he would have accidentally turned it off, and I don't want to send him/her hunting for the power switch because I don't know what kind of monitor s/he has and it's bound to have more than one switch on it. Maybe the video cable is loose or something.]
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."[muffled] "Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."[still muffled]
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"[clear again]
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle --it's because it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes--the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power outage."
"A power--!?!" ...[AAAAAAARGH!]"A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?""Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're TOO STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER!"

*********************************

Smartest Man

In a small aeroplane there were four people: the pilot, the Pope, Bill Gates and a hitchhiker.They were flying over mountains when suddenly the pilot burst through the doors to the passenger compartment and announced that there was a fuel leakage and the plane would crash in 5 minutes.

"There are only three parachutes I'm afraid," he said, as he hurriedly grabbed one for himself and jumped out. That left the three passengers and two parachutes.
Bill Gates said, "I'm very important, and I'm the world's smartest man and I deserve to live." And with that he grabbed a pack and leaped out.

"Young man," said the Pope to the hitchhiker, "I am old, I have lived my life and it was a very good one. You're still young, please take the last parachute and save yourself. My life is in the hands of God." "It's okay," said the hitchhiker. "Don't worry, we have a parachute each.""How can that be?" asked the Pope."Well, the world's smartest man just jumped out with my backpack!"

****************************

Year 2000 Bug

Yeltsin, Clinton and Bill Gates were invited to have dinner with God.
During dinner He told them: "I need three important people to send my
message out to all people: Tomorrow I will destroy the earth."

Yeltsin immediately called together his cabinet and told them: "I have two
really bad news items for you: God really exists and Tomorrow He will
destroy the earth."

Clinton called an emergency meeting of the Senate and Congress and told
them, "I have good news and bad news: The GOOD news is that God really
does exist and The BAD news is, tomorrow He is going to destroy the
earth." 

Bill Gates went back to Microsoft and very happily announced: "I have two
fantastic announcements: I am one of the three most important people on
earth and The Year 2000 problem is solved."

***********************

What can Bill Bates do with his money?

At last count, Bill Gates had an estimated net worth of $42 billion dollars ($42,000,000,000.000). He has earned since his birth an average of $32.31 per heartbeat, and this is escalating.
Here are some things he could do with his money:

* Pay NBA MVP Michael Jordan's salary for 1,394 years.
* Give every man, woman and child on the face of the Earth $7.46.
* Pay every California Lottery prize for the next 34 years.
* Fund 158 Mars Pathfinder missions.
* Fund the US Department of Education for 19 years.
* Pay tuition for the residents of Seattle and Tacoma to go to the University of Washington    for four years.
* Fund the US presence in the Persian Gulf for 11 months.
* Fund the US peace keeping forces in Bosnia for 157 years.
* Buy 233,346,297 copies of Microsoft Windows 95.
* Buy 1,680,000,000 copies of his own book, buy more with his royalties from those sales, continuing the cycle and easily the best selling author of all time.
* Make Hanson the most successful musicians of all time by buying3,529,411,765 copies of     "Middle of Nowhere."
* If he wanted to challenge George Lucas (worth only $2 billion), he could make 227 sequels to "Waterworld," or 35,000 sequels to "Sling Blade."
* At the median donation for spending a night in the White House, he coulds stay in the Lincoln Bedroom for 46,300 years.
* If he wanted to go on a killing spree in Los Angeles County, at the rate that Simpson was charged, he could kill 3,360 people and pay all his attorney fees and punitive damages.
* At the rate of 1/2 ounce per $27 million, he could pay Mike Tyson to eat1/5 of Evander Holyfield.
* He could fly from Seattle to Paris and back on Air France 45,258,621times.
* If he wanted to go to a local baseball game, he could buy Seattle Mariners season tickets, all of them, for 411 years, and with his spare change could buy the team and the Kingdome.
* At Denny's, he could buy a "Grand Slam Slugger Breakfast" for9,150,326,797 people.
* If he couldn't get service, he could buy every man, woman and child in China a Big Mac Extra Value Meal, as long as no one "Super Sizes."
* If they preferred, he could buy 17 billion packages of Top Raman noodles.
* He must like coffee, and could buy over 6 billion pounds of French roastat his local Starbuck's.
* Speaking of a cup of coffee, he could support one of those Sally Struther's foreign kids for 113,341,969 years. Perhaps what he need to spend money on most is a new pair of glasses and some hair conditioner.

**********************************************************

Error Codes WIN 98

The Latest Report on Windows98 : New Error Codes Assigned

Winerr 000 - Unexpected Intelligent User Encountered
Winerr 001 - Intimidation Failed; Attempting to Crash Repeatedly
Winerr 002 - Erroneous Error; No Error Occurred (Yet)
Winerr 003 - RAM Depleted; Annex Japan (Y/N)?
Winerr 004 - Deluxe Error. Please Send $75 to Upgrade Your Error
Winerr 005 - Long File Name Error; Tape Erased to Make Room for Filename
Winerr 006 - Insufficient RAM to Crash Properly; Attempting Fake crash
Winerr 007 - Alphanumeric Sequence "OS2" Prohibited
Winerr 008 - This License Has Expired; Please Purchase Another Copy
Winerr 009 - Error Buffer Overflow; Too Many Errors
Winerr 00A - Non-Microsoft Application Encountered
Winerr 00B - Push Error; Removing Files to Make Room for Advertisement
Winerr 00C - Windows Loaded Correctly This Time
Winerr 00D - User Error; Lemming Not Found
Winerr 00E - Open Standard Encountered; Attempting to Redmondize
Winerr 00F - Reserved for Future Coding Errors
Winerr 010 - Virus Error - Other Applications Will Be Closed Instead
Winerr 011 - Orwell Not Found; You Must Use MSN
Winerr 012 - Cash Underflow - Credit Card Number Will Be Assimilated
Winerr 013 - Keyboard Error; User Must Learn to Slow Down
Winerr 014 - User Error; Reading License Agreement Mandatory to Continue
Winerr 015 - Error Message Deleted
Winerr 016 - Expected Error Did Not Occur; Attempting to Restart Error
Sequence
Winerr 017 - Multitasking Attempted; System Confused
Winerr 018 - Network Error - Your Crash Will Be Replicated to All Stations
Winerr 019 - Freedom-of-Choice Error; Select a Microsoft Browser To
Continue
Winerr 01A - Insult Detected -- Your Bill Gates Joke Will Be Deleted
Winerr 01B - Error Removing Temporary File; a Permanent File Will Be 
Substituted
Winerr 01C - Wrong Disk Formatted. Sorry About That.
Winerr 01D - Mandatory Error Inserted to Meet Error Quota
Winerr 01E - Please Insert Your Favorite Error Here
Winerr 01F - Error In Progress; Please Wait....
Winerr 020 - Unknown Error Occurred But Was Lost. Windows Will Try To
Remember
Winerr 021 - Error Parsing Error List; Please Wait For Next Error
Winerr 022 - Upgrade Error; Please Format Your Drive And Reload Everything

*****************************************************

The Creation Of All

1. In the beginning GOD created the Bit and the Byte. And from those he created the Word.

2. And there were two Bytes in the Word; and nothing else existed. And God separated the One from the Zero; and he saw it was good.

3. And God said - Let the Data be; And so it happened. And God said - Let the Data go to their proper places. And he created floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks.

4. And God said - Let the computers be, so there would be a place to put floppy disks and hard disks and compact disks. Thus God created computers and called them hardware.

5. And there was no Software yet. But God created programs; small and big. And told them - Go and multiply yourselves and fill all the Memory.

6. And God said - I will create the Programmer; And the Programmer will make new programs and govern over the computers and programs and Data.

7. And God created the Programmer; and put him at Data Center; And God showed the Programmer the Catalog Tree and said You can use all the volumes and subvolumes but DO NOT USE Windows.

8. And God said - It is not Good for the programmer to be alone. He took a bone from the Programmer's body and created a creature that would look up at the Programmer; and admire the Programmer; and love the things the Programmer does; And God called the creature: the User.

9. And the Programmer and the User were left under the naked DOS and it was Good.

10. But Bill was smarter than all the other creatures of God. And Bill said to the User - Did God really tell you not to run any programs ?

11. And the User answered - God told us that we can use every program and every piece of Data but told us not to run Windows or we will die.

12. And Bill said to the User - How can you talk about something you did not even try. The moment you run Windows you will become equal to God. You will be able to create anything you like by a simple click of your mouse.

13. And the User saw that the fruits of the Windows were nicer and easier to use. And the User saw that any knowledge was useless - since Windows could replace it.

14. So the User installed the Windows on his computer; and said to the Programmers that it was good.

15. And the Programmer immediately started to look for new drivers. And God asked him - What are you looking for? And the Programmer answered -I am looking for new drivers because I can not find them in the DOS. And God said - Who said you need drivers? Did you run Windows? And the Programmer said - It was Bill who told us to !

16. And God said to Bill - Because of what you did you will be hated by all the creatures. And the User will always be unhappy with you. And you will always sell Windows.

17. And God said to the User - Because of what you did, the Windows will disappoint you and eat up all your Resources; and you will have to use lousy programs; and you will always rely on the Programmer's help.

18. And God said to the Programmer - Because you listened to the User you will never be happy. All your programs will have errors and you will have to fix them and fix them to the end of time.

19. And God threw them out of the Data Center and locked the door and secured it with a password.

20. GENERAL PROTECTION FAULT.

***************************

The Big Test

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. Thesehighly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testingand background checks involved before you can even be considered for theposition.After sending some applicants through the background checks, training andtesting, they narrowed the possible choices down to 2 men and a woman, butonly one position was available.The day came for the final test to see which person would get theextremely secretive job.

The CIA men administering the test took one ofthe men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that youwill follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained.
"Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair.Take this gun and kill her."
The man got a shocked look on his face and said,
"You can't be serious! Icould never shoot my own wife!"
"Well," says the CIA man,
"you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

So they bring the second man to the same door and hand him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances,"they explained to the second man.
"Inside you will find your wife sittingin a chair. Take this gun and kill her."
The second man looked a bit shocked, but nonetheless took the gun and wentin the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes, then the door opened. Theman came out of the room with tears in his eyes.
"I tried to shoot her, Ijust couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not theright man for the job."
"No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wifeand go home."

Now they're down to the woman left to test. Again they lead her to thesame door to the same room and hand her the same gun.
"We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances, this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair.Take this gun and kill him."

The woman took the gun and opened the door. Once the door closed, the CIAheard the gun start firing. One shot after another for 13 shots. Then allhell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, crashing, banging onthe walls. This went on for several minutes, then all went quiet.The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweatfrom her brow and said,
"You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded withblanks! I had to beat the bastard to death with the chair!"

***********************

Accounting Humor

A 54 year old accountant leaves a letter for his wife one Friday evening
that reads: Dear Wife (that's what he called her): I am 54 and by the time
you receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful and
sexy 18 year old secretary.

When he arrived at the hotel there was a letter waiting for him that read
as follows: Dear Husband (that's what she called him): I too am 54 and by
the time you receive this letter I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my
handsome and virile 18 year old boy toy. You being an accountant will
therefore appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes
into 18.

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Funny mistake

A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to sendflowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and theowner read the card; it said "Rest in Peace". The owner was angry andcalled the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of theobvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said.
"Sir, I'm reallysorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they haveflowers with a note saying, "Congratulations on your new location."

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